Memories
by Ducky3
Summary: A short scene of Haruka reminiscing about her past - at least, what she remembers of it . . .


Author's Notes: Very short, Haruka's POV, small excerpt from   
one of my previous fics, "Let Go"; another look at Haruka  
Rated G  
  
  
  
There's so much that I can see  
So much that I can feel  
I can see it all  
I can feel it all  
Everything's so clear  
  
But it disappears before I know  
Before I understand  
And then I'm left with just your fading voice  
Whispering to me  
  
Remember  
  
Remember  
  
I try  
I try so hard  
I try so hard that it hurts  
It hurts so much   
  
It hurts all the time  
  
You're there -  
  
But you're not  
  
  
You're here -  
  
But you're not  
  
  
You're gone  
  
  
  
But I'm not  
  
  
  
  
So tell me  
  
  
  
  
  
What am I supposed to do?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
- Memories -   
Written by Ducky  
  
  
  
  
  
  
There was a time when I was happy.  
  
  
  
She stared out through the window, at the couples walking,   
laughing, the children tugging on their parents' hands.   
  
  
look at this, haru-chan  
  
it's so pretty!  
  
it's yours   
  
wow!  
  
thank you, papa!  
  
  
you spoil her, you know  
  
and you don't?  
  
  
  
  
When I had a family.  
  
  
Her gaze focused on the window itself, at the reflection   
in the glass, the reflection that was her - the dull   
green eyes, the boyish face set in a permanent frown.  
  
And she wondered.  
  
She wondered what had happened to the little girl that had   
once chased butterflies, pretended to fly on her father's   
shoulders, picked flowers for her mother . . .   
  
She wondered just where that little girl had gone.  
  
  
what'cha doin' mama?  
  
i'm baking cookies for you and your papa  
  
really?!?!  
  
yup  
  
can i help? i wanna help, i wanna help!   
  
plleeeeeeeaaaaaaaaase?  
  
i promise i won't make a mess, honest i won't!  
  
of course you can  
  
yay!!   
  
and when we're done, you can eat some for a snack  
  
how's that sound?  
  
  
  
  
The memories she held were few and faded, unbidden,  
surfacing in her mind from the depths of her watered down   
past, triggered by something that had been said, something  
that had been done. Something that made her remember.  
  
  
We had our own little world then, just my parents and   
me. Nothing could touch us, absolutely nothing,   
because we were safe in our little world.   
  
Just us in our little world . . .  
  
  
She remembered her mother's gentle hands, her father's   
bearded chin. The necklace that she always wore, the gray   
streak that shot through his hair. She remembered their   
laughter, their voices. How they tucked her in at night and   
sang to her when she couldn't sleep, how they always picked   
her up when she fell and kissed her cuts and bruises and   
made the pain disappear.  
  
  
And then -  
  
  
papa?  
  
  
where's mama?  
  
  
  
And then that world shattered.  
  
  
papa?  
  
yes, haruka?  
  
is mama's gonna get better?  
  
  
  
is she?  
  
of course, haruka  
  
mama is going to be just fine  
  
  
papa?  
  
yes, haruka?  
  
  
  
  
why are you crying?  
  
  
Something had happened, something that she could not - or   
maybe would not - remember. Something that blanketed her   
childhood with darkness, leaving her with nothing else but   
faded images, yellowed photographs that fluttered away  
from her grasp, escaping from her fingers before she could   
fully look at them. Look at them and remember.  
  
  
where'd everyone go?  
  
mama?  
  
  
papa?  
  
  
  
where are you?  
  
  
  
  
And now I live with nothing else but the broken melody   
of our forgotten song, a forgotten time.   
  
A time that exists only in my mind.   
  
  
And perhaps does not exist at all.   
  
  
  
But it seems so real . . .  
  
  
The falling leaves  
  
How could it not be real?  
  
The glasses his father wore  
  
I was happy then.  
  
The butterflies  
  
The games they played  
  
His mother's smile  
  
  
The world they had.   
  
  
That was when . . .  
  
  
  
  
That was when I was loved.  
  
  
  
  
  
right?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I can see you so clearly  
But you were gone before I knew  
Before I could understand  
And now I know  
Now I understand  
But that doesn't make it any better  
Any easier to accept  
That you're gone  
  
  
  
  
Email: jessiegb@aol.com  
  
4 March 2001   
  
(Previous fics posted on A Sailor Moon Romance and  
the H&M Fanfic Centre)  
  



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